Difficult PeopleMy husband Steve has a saying that has always intrigued me: "Being a jerk is its own punishment." I distinctly remember the first time he said it -- just after someone cut him off on the road, probably 25 years ago. I also recall being struck by this idea and a little confused. Didn't that guy just get the upper hand? Weren't we being "punished" by his actions? Of course, now I totally understand what Steve meant, and I marvel at his innate wisdom as a young man. When I think about it, he has always been remarkably "zen" about things! If a person is a "jerk" to others, it is almost always a sign of their inner distress and suffering. They are being punished or harmed by their negativity. And even if that driver cut us off unconsciously 25 years ago, it would be sign of their inner haste and inattention to the world around them. This morning, I reached a very blissful state in my daily meditation, full of love for humanity. I always know I'm getting somewhere when I can intentionally bring in the thought of a politician or public figure who I normally truly dislike, and instead, feel love and compassion for them and their state of contraction, with all its consequences. Of course, life is full of difficult people. How do we manage our own state around them? It is easy to become frustrated, angry, upset, fearful, or hurt. These are the times when it is important to remind yourself to use your meditative skills, get in the Now, and even Now+ -- a state of love and compassion while in the Now. From this perspective you will, of course, feel much better internally and loving toward yourself. You will also likely gain a higher or deeper perspective on the situation at hand. Finally -- if you can manage it! -- your love and compassion for a difficult person might actually provide some form of healing for them. As a result, their difficult behavior might dissipate. While anger or fear likely feeds their negative energy or "vibration", calm compassion may neutralize it and even transform it. This must be the true meaning of Jesus's advice to "Turn the other cheek." I don't think he meant that we should let ourselves be clobbered by others and behave like a doormats. Rather, I think he meant: try not to let your own state be filled with other people's negative energy. Instead, let your own state of inner peace spread to those around you. |
